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Get what you want

Get what you want. It isn’t as obvious as you think it might be. This podcast from Shane Parrish, interviewing Chris Voss, former FBI Hostage Negotiator will entertain and educate you.

Here are some of the bits I loved:

let the other side go first

genuine curiosity is a hack for getting out of ego

talk to yourself in a late night DJ voice [out loud] and you can calm yourself

[you have] a make friends voice with a natural smile in the voice… smile, they can feel it in your voice

most dangerous negotiation is the one you don’t know you’re in… whenever someone wants a yes it’s a negotiation, if you have a sentence beginning “I want”.. it’s a negotiation

never be mean to someone who can hurt you by doing nothing

seek first to understand: empathy saves time

listen to the signals of their voice tone, and say “Sounds like there’s something here I’m not getting”… [rather than asking a direct question]

don’t say now, say “How am I supposed to do that (in a smiley voice)”

to close a deal say “That was brilliant, let’s do that” (in a smiley voice)

if it’s their idea if the implementation was their idea: yes is nothing without HOW

everyone is driven by loss

there can be great power in deference: people love it when someone doesn’t have to be deferential but is. It makes you seem generous

use labels to name what’s going on “it seems like you’ve got something in mind here” rather than “What are the next steps”.

no-oriented people: get them to say no to a yes-oriented question “are you against this option?”

use a “mirror” – repeat the last 2 to 3 words of what they just said, it will cause them to re-articulate it

Voss is “anti-BATNA” – BATNA stands for Best alternative to a negotiated agreement, made famous by the Getting to Yes franchise.

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