Working with Clevers in organisations I find that they are often at a loss with things like Small Talk (yes, there’s a purpose: it’s all about pacing and leading).
If we want to get ahead, or in same cases, keep a job we love, then being able to converse normally is a pre-requisite. The Art of Ordinary Conversation from Farnam Street outlines some basics, quoting some great thinkers (and some self-help books).
This podcast talking with Jerry Colonna, former venture capitalist turned exec coach outlines some useful things:
OFNR is an acronym, and the letters stand for four words: observation, feeling, need, and request. And if we want to think about it, we can think about it this way: this is discernment in action and this is self-responsibility in action.
Jerry Colonna
This phrase can be useful too:
[this happened] and the story I’m telling myself is…jerry colonna
Because this gives your conversational partner the opportunity to see things from your side, or see how you think their side is. And to change that if it’s not true.
Episode 262 of the Speaking of Psychology podcast has some excellent tips too: listen for the recruiter of astronauts who used laughter to gauge emotional intelligence, and this idea: when speaking with people ask them
Do you want me to hear you, help you or hug you?
Charles Duhigg
The answer then shapes the responses you have. This video is a “hear me / hug me” conversation gone wrong.
